Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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