ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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