Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize