I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I want her autograph on my taint
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
