Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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