sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Randomize
