is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
