I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
