Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
