I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
