I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
