i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
