nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i think i just lost a toe
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
