i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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