you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
