walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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