he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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