you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i drank out of a bidet.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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