One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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