This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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