Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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