she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
false alarm. still invincible.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
