your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
