apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
