On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Randomize
