he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
