Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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