in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
