I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
