my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
