I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
