She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
