i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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