Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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