I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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