girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
