Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He better not be in your backpack
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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