Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
