yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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