Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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