based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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