I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
