The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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