Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
