i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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