I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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