did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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