i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
