this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
