She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
