So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
